I'm sitting here tonight in a hotel room in Peoria, Illinois watching the second round of the NCAA College Basketball tournament. I'm not a big basketball fan, or really a fan at all. But I watch because I love seeing the underdogs shock the world and prove that just because a school has had success in the past, or even success that season, anyone can be beaten.
The meat of this post is something I've sort of come to realize over the past few days, maybe months? I've had some conversations with some close friends, and all of them are in relationships. Relationships are a funny thing. They demand a lot from both sides, sacrifices, demands, and just a lot of commitment. Thinking about it, it almost makes one wonder why people get into relationships in the first place. We all have needs, and sometimes, we get some of those needs met by being in a committed relationship with someone. When you're in a healthy relationship, both individuals get things out of it. Things like companionship, love, passion, a sense of self-worth, and a general feeling of purpose. You feel like you have a reason for being. But with that comes some...lets say less desirable side effects. You have to give up your time; time to yourself, time with your friends, time with your family, etc. There is a laundry list of things people sacrifice to be in a relationship. Like it or not, that's reality. In a healthy relationship, the positives you get from the relationship outweigh the negatives of the things you have to sacrifice. But what happens when you get 6 months, a year, or longer into a relationship and you start to feel you aren't getting as much out of it as you once were, or as much as you want? The thought of leaving them and breaking it off starts to lurk in the back of your mind. But then you start to think about all the things that come with that. And it's downright frightening. Who will I spend my time with? Who will text me? Who will ask me how my day was, how I'm doing? Who will I rant to when I have a bad day? Who will be there for me?
These are all questions I'm sure everyone that's been in that situation has had run through their mind at one point or another. My experience lately has been that people are so scared of being alone, they are willing to continue with their relationship and 'deal with it' rather than make a change. I'm not saying they are miserable all the time, and sure, there may be points when they feel those positives again. However, if they sit down and think about it, the relationship they are in isn't what they want, or fulfilling their needs or desires 100%. But they think if they hold on for one more day, things will change, it'll get better, it will go back to the way things used to be.
I'm a single guy, and I've been single for over 7 years. Think about that. 7 years. W was in the White House, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq were just getting started, The Xbox 360 was just 2 years old, and the Wii had been out for less than half a year. That's a long time to go without a serious partner. But you know what? I've learned so much about myself and the world in those years. I've seen couples come and go, mostly my friends, and have been able to see things I might have missed had I been in a relationship myself. Now, I've dated plenty since then, but I wouldn't say I've been in a serious relationship. I also got the opportunity to learn a lot from those experiences. What I like, what I don't like, what I want, and what I don't want. But this isn't about me, it's about relationships.
I brought that stuff up about me because I want to spread what I've learned with whoever will listen. I've seen friends go from one relationship to another, and never spend time being single. I've seen friends jump into bad relationships just because someone showed a hint of interest in them. I've seen people 'break-up' but continue to see and be involved with that person months after they 'broke-up'. The underlying theme in all this is two-fold. First, learn who you are, what you want to do in life, develop your own personal thoughts and beliefs, and become a strong individual. Too often I've seen people bend their morals, beliefs, or life goals to more closely match the person they are dating or interested in. And it's been both men and women who I've seen do it. I think it's kind of human nature to do so. We want to be liked. And we want to be liked by someone we like, which leads me to the second part. Our greatest fear is being alone. Everyone wants to feel accepted, liked, and have a purpose. Being in a committed relationship gives us all of those things. But you don't need someone else to make you feel that way. Every person has that inside them. We can all find something that makes us happy, makes us feel desirable without the need for someone else to do it for us. Sure, it is easier to have someone provide those things for us, but if you can find that on your own, that will make you that much stronger down the road. It will also alleviate that fear when you find yourself in a less than desirable relationship. This doesn't apply just to relationships, either. Being a mentally strong individual will help you in all aspects of life. Anything from family issues, career, friends, or just general hardships. Knowing you have the strength to withstand those things on your own is the greatest feeling of empowerment any one person can have.
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